Ok, I’ll be honest… these last few days have been hard. Everything is ‘up in the air’ and change is all around me right now.
The ‘Boy’ who has played a major guiding role in opening my eyes and redirecting my life over this past year, is no longer my boy. It was a mutual decision to call it a day.
Food was always such a big part of our life together and I gained so much happiness in creating recipes for us to try and then seeing the joy on his face when I’d succeeded. For these last few days food has been the last thing on my mind. In actual fact, even if I’d wanted to get stuck into something I haven’t been able to since all my baking ingredients have only just moved out with me and are yet to be unpacked. The previous post on ‘peanut soup’ was a recently written back-up post that I kept in reserve for an emergency situation (this counts as an emergency-right?)
It all just feels a little surreal at the moment, I guess my ‘reason’ for doing what I do suddenly seems somewhat meaningless when you’re not ‘in it together’. In the beginning the Boy gave me a reason for it all, the meals we shared together the naughty but healthy snacks I could make him, to nurture and look after him. He was a willing participant and allowed my happiness and skills to grow. That meaning is now gone. My interests are still there, but I feel resentment and discord… why try and make the effort when there is no one else to really appreciate the outcomes? It just feels empty.
Oh poor me…sob sob sob!
On a more serious note I know it will all be fine, this is far from a ‘sob story’ and I am not one to allow myself to dwell and mope. I am only writing about this to give you a greater understanding as to why there might be a few changes around here as I find my way on my own… or should I say on my own terms… it’s all down to me now!
So I guess I just need to suck it up and get a grip!!
I know it will settle in time and that I’ll have my ups and down just like the everyone else, I also know that I’ll find a new way to re-create this meaning in my life and for the people around me, and hopefully find more people like me and maybe enlighten a few of those closer to home. Most importantly I know full well that in order to have healthy treats I’ll have to make them myself… a life without treats… no thank you!!
So, you see I can’t just stop even if I wanted to!! Just watch this space…..