Let go and surrender...
This time next week I will have woken up to greet the first full day of my retreat, embraced warm hugs with my wonderful group of wholehearted people ready to embrace the universe and themselves, having just taken part in our first poolside ashtanga yoga class in the sunshine and now be finishing a hearty wholesome breakfast together to prepare for exploring the island.
There were many thoughts tripping over themselves in my head as I lay in bed this morning, I could feel bubbles of anxiety welling up with me and knew to diffuse things that I needed to try and put them down on paper, which turned into this blog post!
The preparation for Lanzarote of the last five month has pushed me to the edge of my comfort zone. So many times I've had to lean in to that point just beyond, a place where it gets uncomfortable. The place that has had me in desperate tears and an anxious knot in my stomach on multiple occasions. The place that has had me breaking down in frustration (always at myself) in the presence of my ever patient coach, who reflects my greatness back to me when I don't believe in it myself.
Yet over these last couple of weeks as all the technicalities have fallen into place, a different mindset crept over me. One that feels all together unfamiliar and actually hugely liberating.
It's the feeling of surrender, of trusting the universe, of knowing there is only so much I can plan for and that in actual fact the beauty is in the unknown, the organic growth and coming together of a group of beautiful people in a beautiful setting.
My default nature, particularly in the past and one I'm now very aware of, is a rigid militant approach to life. I have always felt the need to 'prove' myself, to be doing doing doing, always be busy, to write lists and stick post-its it's everywhere, make sure I have an option for every possible eventuality...
But this is not where the beauty of life lies...
With a rigid, militant approach we are blinkered to what the universe may throw in our path, opportunities may come up and we simply won't see them. Over the last five months I've begun to change and shift within. I have been listening to my heart more than my head, it speaks softly and quietly but oh so much more powerfully and deeply.
Tuning into my heart is a huge work in progress for me, decades of my head over-ruling it won't be changed over night. But I'm learning, I'm learning to surrender.
Lanzarote has so much more to teach me. I'm ready.
Have a amazingly beautiful week... I'll check in with excitement from Lanzarote soon. I can't wait to share my adventures with you!
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