Posts in mindset
Feeling totally exposed even in my own private company

As I sat up in bed, immediately upon waking this morning, I had a sudden urge to grab my phone and take a photo of myself looking in huge mirrored doors of the built in wardrobe that flanks one side of the room.

This isn't a photo for likes or comments, but a representation of how it has shaped me over the last few months, the difference that having a huge mirrored surface opposite the doorway of the bedroom has made in my life.

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For context, I moved into this house in January. It's an eight month house sit for the parents of one of my best friends. It's coming to and end quite soon.

I remember the very first evening I was here. Getting undressed and ready for bed and suddenly seeing my naked body lit up in front of the mirror in the yellowy light of the ceiling lamp.

I remember at the time, I froze momentarily then slightly recoiled. Feeling totally exposed even in my own private company.

I wasn't used to seeing my own body in its 'wholeness' and it caught me by surprise.

That in itself fascinated me. The fact that I'm so used to seeing parts of myself. Fragments at a time. Abstract. In small mirrors in the bedroom or in the bathroom, or when looking down as myself, a distorted world view.

Yet I’d so rarely had the chance to appreciate my full form.

Looking at photos of our whole selves is different, we're posed and poised. Viewed rom a distance on a small on a screen. Clothed.

But here I was. Full on, full out. Unprepared and unposed in all my naked glory, standing opposite myself. Looking myself in the eye. There was no hiding even though that urge rose within me.

The next evening when it happened again. I noticed my resistance. I noticed the surprise. I noticed the feelings of uncertainty and unfamiliarity with my own body. Unfamiliar with the body I'm so used to, the body that I have lived in for 36 years, yet I just never really 'see'.

In all its completeness.

So I got curious. I started turning around in front of the mirror. Looking at myself from as many angles as possible. The light changing and creating pattern and shape rippling over me. Twisting, tensing, flexing, looking at the curves, the folds and muscle tone and observing the wonder of the musculoskeletal system that makes the human form.

What magic!

It became quite a fun game. Creating a sense of familiarity and connection with myself, and in doing so a sense of compassion. And slowly but surely a deeper sense of self love.

Self love.

Not that I'd ever really hated my body, not at all. I simply hadn't ever really appreciated it because I'd never seen it, not really, not like this. I’d been so disconnected from my wholeness. I had no idea what I was missing.

But every single night and every single morning as I got undressed, I had the chance to observe my body in it's naked glory. Those moments became such a celebration. A private moment of connection and respect.

As the days and the weeks and months passed during my time in this house, I learned to celebrate the glory, the fullness and the completeness of my body in a way I'd never previously had an opportunity to, in a way that I'd never even seen as necessary.

I can honesty say it has been a beautiful journey.

So, this morning, when I woke up and sat on the edge of my bed, I suddenly had the spontaneous urge to grab my phone and take a photo. Not for likes, but to record this moment. Record how I feel to be in acceptance and celebration, in fascination and curiosity and at one with my body.

This beautiful, powerful body.

As I shot this photo, I had literally just woken up seconds before. My hair isn't brushed. I have an old T shirt and knickers on. Nothing else. I have bruises on my knees where I fell over. The bed isn't made. The room isn't particularly tidy.

But none of that matters.

Because this isn't for likes. This isn't an ego trip.

This is showing up as me in the moment. The spontaneous, raw, vulnerable, unfiltered beauty of me.

A celebration and a call to love in seeing ourselves. Fully.

Because I want you to see yourself. Fully.

I want you to find a huge mirrored wardrobe of your own and stand naked, to look yourself in the eye and truly see and celebrate the depth and fullness of who you are, because it's glorious. Truly and utterly glorious.

And it might take a while to get comfortable with that. That's ok. Stay with it. Lean into those feelings. Because with repeated exposure and a sense of curiosity, it will come. I promise.

I didn't realise before that I didn't love my body but it's simply because I never truly gave myself a chance to.

I'm giving myself that chance today.


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Processing life in times of trauma - 'When Only One Can Love'

Today I am being kind to myself. I have thrown away my to-do list. I am sitting on the sofa in my hoodie, with a blanket over my lap, sipping banana smoothies and mint tea, tissues at the ready and writing to you.

Writing to you. Writing to me. Writing to let it all go. Writing to process and make peace and move through…

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I hadn’t planned to share this post.

Writing it wasn’t even on my to-do list (the to-do list that I have pretty much written off for this entire week).

It felt a little too raw, real and vulnerable.

But a little voice whispered ‘that’s your gift to the world, what if it helped others too’, and so I surrendered to that possibility. Knowing that in doing so it would also help me. That’s part of the beauty of it all.

The outcome was that I wrote some words that helped set me free (scroll down to see them) but first let me give you some context. That part feels important too.

Last week I wrote this post. It centred around my powerful experience at Osho Leela, of choosing to re-write a story that had been holding me back. Towards the end of that post was this paragraph:

“The shift was immediate. As the festival unfolded over the following three days, I felt myself feeling so much more connected, having conversations with ease whereas previously I struggled to initiate, forming close relationships with the girls in my dorm room, meeting people that I've met over the last couple of years and allowing myself to relaxing into their company, and even feeling the exciting spark of potential once again.”

‘the exciting spark of potential’ was actually a guy I connected with. And over the following week that connection took me to a deep and totally unexpected level.

If you’ve been in my world for some time or have read My Why (my ‘about’ page), you’ll already know that this blog, quitting my corporate career, my transition to a plant-based diet, my spiritual journey and a whole host of others powerful parts of my life were ALL as a result of my relationship with a guy with Aspergers. I even wrote about the time in my life in this bestselling book - ‘Thresholds’

I left that relationship over eight years ago, but it took me almost seven years to truly process the impact he’d had on my life and feel ready to embark on another relationship (which then broke down last year due to his complex mental health issues).

To be honest, over these last few months, I have been enjoying finding myself again, enjoying being me, enjoying flings without commitment, self exploration, travel and transience…

Then at Osho Leela I met a guy, who in oh so subtle ways in his mannerisms and way of being reminded me of Paul- the guy with Aspergers.

We connected… it was intense… it was beautiful… then overwhelm hit… then it all backtracked and my brain imploded (ok, slight exaggeration but ya get the point)

It cracked me open and triggered me at a deep level.

I got intense flashbacks, trauma that I thought I had put to bed many years ago engulfed me.

These last few days I have had no appetite, having to force feed myself smoothies and fruit. Broken sleep, waking in the middle of the night and recording voice notes to vent and process the swirling noise in my head. Writing, writing, writing. Sitting alone in the quietness of my house so that process without censoring.

I reached out for help from two friends who i knew would hold space for me. They helped me see things with more objective eyes. It was wonderful and I am glad I was able to reach out to them.

Through my conversations with them, I was hit by a new found (but now so obvious) awareness of the fact that I am always attracted to guys who display ‘aspergic tendencies’* so my brain had a freak out - it flew back to the ‘extreme’ scenario of my previous relationship and dramatically painted every possible future relationship with the same brush.

*there is no intention for labelling or judgement in that phrase- I am simply referring to personality traits, probably something to do with the fact that since I have ADHD, I too am technically somewhere on the spectrum so there is a resonance.

I’d gone down a spiral of worrying that I’d spend my entire life loving without being able to be loved in return. The pain felt so real as I re-lived my traumatic experiences with Paul in our darkest days. When I loved him so deeply but he did not have the emotional capacity to return that love, no matter how much he wanted to.

I woke up yesterday morning and re-listened to a voice note I had recoded in the middle of the night. I transcribed and tweaked it’s message to create the piece of prose below.

This is what it feels like for me when ‘only one can love’ - my experience with Paul. The experience that I have never shared openly before or even acknowledged to myself. I first shared this piece within a private group and so many people thanked me for sharing as they too could resonate with my experience of unrequited love, whatever it’s source or context.

So this is is for you if you have struggled with unrequited love.

If you resonate with my words and my feelings. Know that I hear you. I see you.

Today I am being kind to myself. I have thrown away my to-do list. I am sitting on the sofa with a blanket over my lap, sipping banana smoothies and mint tea, tissues at the ready and writing to you.

Writing to you. Writing to me. Writing to let it all go. Writing to process and make peace and move through.

It already feels lighter. I already feel more empowered. I already feel that so much more space has been created within me. I feel me.

Debris dislodged and shifted. A newfound respect for myself and my self permission to process without censoring. A spark of excited hope for my future.

There is so much beauty available in pain when you allow space for it and are willing to open your heart to the lessons it has to teach you.

As I sit here, I also see the beautiful irony in having this corner of the internet in which to share my pain in all it’s raw and beautiful humanness, a corner I would never even have created if it hadn’t been for that series of events that unfolded over eight years ago.

And I feel incredibly grateful.


WHEN ONLY ONE CAN LOVE

I get to hold your hand on the outside, but we never get to go in.

I see the party going on behind the windows, I can even hear the muffled beat of the music and I know what an amazing time everybody's having. But I'm standing outside looking in. Holding your hand, standing outside looking in.

I could let go of your hand so that I can go in on my own.

And I can have some fun, I can smile, I can listen to music and I can dance.

But I know you're still waiting outside and it always feels just a little bit empty.

That's what love is for me. When only one can love. It's always just that little bit empty.

Having someone to 'do' life with. Having someone to take my hand with laughter in their eyes as we dance through the house oblivious, having someone to hold and sway with to the music... creates a depth of connection at a whole new level.

I want someone who feels the rhythm with me. When i'm no longer just listening to the beat on my own, not just standing and dancing amongst other people in the same room when they're dancing in their own way, to their own rhythm in their own little bubbles.

They are not in ours, not in our special bubble. But you are not in ours either because you're standing outside. You were never able to come inside with me. Even though you wanted to.

But because I know you're waiting outside it still hurts and I can't fully immerse myself in what's going on around me.

It hurts. Loving someone who can't meet you in the space of that emotion. Who can hold your hand, can maybe even dip a toe in the waters edge but can never dive in.

It's always just a possibility, a dream. I can almost touch it but not quite.

Worse than if I wasn't standing at the edge at all.

If I wasn't standing there at all, the dream, the vision, the possibilities would have never even existed for me.

I wouldn't know what I was missing.

So close.

So close.

Yet once again not quite close enough to hold.


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A choice to change or stay the same...

This tiny piece of wood hanging around my neck has a story to tell.

Over the days that lead up to the Osho Leela Mystic Heart Festival that I attended last weekend I was feeling a bubbling sense of anxiety and apprehension.

It's such an incredibly intensive and powerful spiritual gathering. One that I know has the power to shift me on so many levels.

Yet this time there was another undercurrent that was playing out in my mind.

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Last year I attended this same festival to co-host the very same firewalk gathering, and I'd brought my boyfriend with me. It was the first spiritual event he'd ever been to and I was nervous yet excited to share the experience with him. I needn't have worried as he absolutely loved it and it was it was an incredibly powerful moment in our relationship.

I was so wrapped up in love without any clue as to what would unfold between us over the following months...

So in the lead up to the festival this year, I so many feelings bubbling under the surface.

Since we split last November, I have found it incredibly tough at times. I thought he had been 'the one' and then it all came crashing down around me.

Over the last few months as I've made peace and dropped any anger and judgments I may have been holding on to, at times I still can't help but still feel so love for him. So much love, love for who we had been together.

I worried how it might feel being back in those familiar surroundings this time on my own.

On the first day I walked into one of the workshops, in particular, one that we had shared together last year and had found so powerful. During that workshop, we had discovered that the workshop leader also carved beautiful 'oghams' from various trees and that each one had a particular symbolism and intention.

We spent hours deliberating which ones we would buy, and we gifted them to each other, both wearing them all the time in the weeks that followed. I had even spent some hours scouring Hatfield park a couple of weeks later when his had fallen off during a run and he’d been upset as loosing it. I found it.

When we split, I could not longer look at it and had to put it away in a box, along with everything else.

When I arrived at this workshop, and saw all the various carve pendants laid out across a display table. I took a deep breath and knew instinctively that this was my opportunity to rewrite that story.

Start anew with a blank slate...

A shiny new chapter...

Shake off the residual fears and anxieties...

Let go of the 'what could have beens'...

At the end of the session, I shared with the workshop leader what was going on for me as something as a declaration and internal acknowledgement of my intention that this was significant moment of choice.

A choice to change or stay the same...

A choice to hold on or let go...

A choice to look back or focus ahead...

My eye caught this particular ogham carved into heather which symbolises community, friendships, family connections and strengthening of bonds with partners. All things I'm committing to draw upon and manifest more deeply in my life.

It felt the perfect way to read write the script and reclaim my story.

The shift was immediate. As the festival unfolded over the following three days, I felt myself feeling so much more connected, having conversations with ease whereas previously I struggled to initiate, forming close relationships with the girls in my dorm room, meeting people that I've met over the last couple of years and allowing myself to relaxing into their company, and even feeling the exciting spark of potential once again.

The energy of the entire experience became so much more than I could ever have anticipated.

All from that tiny moment of choice.

That threshold moment in which I claimed the opportunity to reframe my experiences and step into my power once again.

So this is a story of choice and a reminder that we all have choices in every moment. Threshold moments that have the potential to change the entire direction of out lives if we let them.

Yet our choices they often appears to us in the tiny moments, the moments that we can so easily overlook when life gets busy, moments where we hesitate and miss the calling as it passes by.

This is your moment.

What will you choose?


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Facing fear.... on the wrong side of the road

Last week I was in Spain on holiday.

But it wasn’t just an ordinary holiday.

This was created as an opportunity for me to face one of my biggest fears - driving on the ‘wrong’ side of the road!

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It feels somewhat silly to even admit, as for many people it’s simply no big deal. Yet it’s been something that has been increasingly bothering me for a number of years and more recently scenarios have come up where it would’ve been useful for me to have driven. As I plan to travel more in coming months I sensed these opportunities may show up more and more.

So I had a choice to make.

Change or stay the same.

I realised that I didn’t want to miss out on an opportunity simply because I wasn’t prepared to drive on the other side of the road! 

I shared these fears with a friend. I shared with her my research on looking for a days European intensive driving course (which wasn’t cheap!) Then she proposed that we head off to Spain and stay in her parents apartment, and that she be the second driver as back up for me on the hire car.

So that’s what we did!

As it happens the entire holiday cost half the price that the days course would’ve done and I got a much richer ‘real life’ experience because of it, and I got to spend some quality time with two best friends (and her little baby) in the sunshine by the sea. As it also happens I actually forgot to add my friend as second driver when I booked the car so I had no choice but to do all the driving! ha ha

Upon heading back to the airport on the final day, we came to the main road out of the town to find it shut off due to an annual triathlon race.

It felt pretty intense, no-one around us spoke good English, we were pushed for time in getting to the airport and to be honest it started feeling felt pretty intense. There seemed no way to go and in the end a police motorbike had to escort us on a make-shift route the wrong way down one-way streets to find an alternative route so we could be in our way. 

I feel really proud of finally facing my fears... of driving on the other side of the road, in the dark, re-routing round roadworks, on motorways, on small country roads, through towns, parking in a tight space in a multi-storey car park, following behind a police escort, and often with a crying baby in the back seat! (he didn’t cry much only on long boring stretches when stick in his car seat!) I even did a little trip to the supermarket on my own to try out a solo trip.

So I went to Spain on holiday.

A holiday to face my fears!

But now I have a question for you…

This is a story about me, but it’s not really about me.

It’s a story about fear. A story about the choice to change or stay the same. About creating space to say ‘yes’ to opportunity.

Where in your life is fear holding you back, and what could you choose to do about it?


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Red lipstick...

When I quit my corporate career in architecture back in 2012, I immediately disowned the ‘power dressing’ culture where female sexuality was often used as a tool to win clients in a male-dominated industry.

In launching myself into the world of health and wellness I flung myself fully to the other end of the spectrum and embraced my inner hippie- barefeet and barefaced. Spending most of my time in gym kit and sports bras (or no bra at all!)

Truth be told I saw my willingness to disown make-up and accessories as a form of personal empowerment, and if I am super honest (this part is really hard to admit) I judged the women around me who I perceived still felt the need to ‘wear a mask’.

Yet, there was something that was still simmering hot beneath the surface as I felt triggered when in the company of beautifully put together women. I didn’t know how to address those feelings so for years I pushed them away and for the most part avoided getting to know those women, so that I didn’t have to address the awkward conflicting growing resistance in myself.

In recent weeks the inner conflict reached tipping point...

A growing awareness that how I am evolving and growing internally is no longer in alignment with how I look externally. In fact, there is now such a significant disparity, it can no longer be ignored.

I realised, that if I am indeed passionate about how we show up in life as the most honest, authentic, bold and empowered versions of ourselves then I needed to walk my talk and stop minimising myself, stop blending in, stop playing small on ALL levels- this includes my appearance! The unspoken void and the missing piece of the puzzle that was holding me back.

I realised I judged and resented the beautiful women around me because I didn’t know how to look beautiful myself (I know we all have a natural beauty but that's not a what I mean here). I didn’t know how to embrace my feminine essence as I’ve always been more naturally comfortable with my more masculine traits, I don’t know how to style my hair, what colours and types of clothes best suit me, what jewellery and make-up could accentuate my appearance... and I wanted the choice!

Choice switches us from playing the victim to taking ownership. It's a powerful reframe.

So I took a deep breath and booked a colour consultation for my birthday next month, I also booked a session with a hairdresser to teach me how to braid my hair, and with the encouragement of a friend in that moment earlier this week I took one more small but significant step in this direction… I bought a bright red lipstick.

Red is my favourite colour. It boldly embodies fun, passion and purpose.

I’ve never felt confident with make-up. Even when at university I felt like I looked like a drag queen when I attempted to apply it. I was envious of my housemates who knew what they were doing and so many times I would put it on and then wipe it all off again before even leaving the house. Feeling frustrated and defeated. Relying instead on my slim gym-fit physique to carry me along and convincing myself that was enough

This time in the privacy of my room I applied the red lipstick. Immediately I could feel the discomfort surge within me. I was pushing the very limits of my comfort zone and it took all my effort not to grab a tissue and wipe it off.

I looked at my reflection, sitting alone in front of the mirror, for a good few minutes until the discomfort softened and my curiousity grew. I smiled and noticed how white my teeth looked against the red of my lips, I noticed how the red of my hair was accentuated, I noticed how I didn’t need any other makeup with such a bold statement feature, though I did also try a little mascara.

I posed for a quick selfie and tentatively sent it to my friend. I kept the lipstick on for the rest of the evening, doing a double take every time I caught a glance of my reflection.

Today I found myself wondering if I’d have the confidence to wear it in public, if it could actually become my new normal.

I decided the very first step was to share the selfie with you...

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Finding the balance in letting go

Over the last few months (maybe even few years) I have felt increasingly pushed and pulled between wanting to get rid of 'everything' and live a very minimalist life, but at the same time wanting to hold on to all the 'creations' and memories of my childhood and my school years, holding onto all my art and craft materials, all the bags and boxes of recipe ingredients and food photography equipment lining my kitchen shelves, and of course all my books!

I find huge comfort and creativity in these things, but in equal measure, I find it all overwhelming and suffocating...

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Knowing there are stacks and boxes in the loft and under my bed needing sorting through 'at some point' creates a low level of anxiety that never quite leaves me, a subtle heaviness that holds me back. I have observed this for some time.

I want to travel and live a more transient nomadic life, not for ever but for a while, and all these 'things' are stopping me. I am letting them stop me. Why is that?

I feel incredibly emotional at the thought of just letting it all go, but at the same time a huge sense of liberation. Tears prick my eyes as I write this (unexpectedly)

Maybe that's called starting over?

Do I need to start over?

I recall almost ten years ago now, one weekend totally out of the blue my ex-boyfriend at the time stripped his life almost completely bare to prove to himself he could do it. To prove to himself what was essential. To get curious about what made him truly happy.

He packed everything he owned into boxes in the garage and challenged himself to live from the contents of a single holdall for a week, which became two weeks then one month. He slept on a roll up camping mat on the floor net to the bed for that time period also.

Once the month was done, he slowly added things carefully and consciously back into his life and got rid of the rest, the majority.

I remember thinking he was absolutely crazy at the time. But now I look back and smile with a shift in perspective, a new level of understanding. Extreme maybe, but only now do I begin to understand.

I wonder how to find the balance in letting go. How do I begin to negotiate this task?

Marie Kondo would ask "does it bring me joy?" Yet, so often I find it is not that clear cut. Many of these things do indeed bring me great joy, I'm just not sure that is the question I need to ask…

I have always formed strong attachments to things and struggle to let go often long after they have served me... relationships, clothes, habits... it drains my energy and holds me in the past. On the flip side, memories can be so beautiful, but even in their beauty can hold you back and stop you looking forwards.

I am a creator and my whole life revolves around creativity and using my mind, my hands and all of my senses to interact with and reinterpret the world around me.

The thought of not having access to the diverse physical expression of my art and creativity, not having all my crafting resources to hand to dip into at any given moment quite frankly terrifies me, it pushes me to the very edge of my comfort zone. I'm scared that I will be lost in my head forever with no way to physically create. Even as I write that I know that this is not true.

But maybe this is what I most need to embrace and explore.

Reinterpreting my creative expression through the eyes of a living a minimalist life.

I am curious as to where that might lead...


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The moment I realised I am a 'heptathlete'

I had something of a game-changing realisation today.

I have always been one of those people that has multiple passions and multiple strands to my bow. I was cool with that and fully embraced my creativity (or so I thought)

But today I realised that very same understanding has been holding me back in my business- massively!

I realised I held the story (ingrained from school days, books and societies conditioning) that in order to be a 'master' at your craft you had to focus all in on one discipline.

You have a choice in life - either be good at lots of things, or be a master at the 'one' thing.

By default I firmly held onto the subliminal belief I was a 'good' coach, a 'good' designer, a 'good' writer, a 'good recipe developer...

So when it came to opportunities to put myself in font of potential clients, to chime in on threads in facebook groups, to network and engage with people... I so often held back, incredibly frustrated at myself for doing so, without seeing what was playing out beneath the surface.

I inadvertently told myself that these clients would be better served by someone who was a 'great' designer, or a 'great' coach - aka someone who I perceived focussed fully on that 'one' skill and therefore must better than me.

Now I am calling BULLSHIT on that story!

For the first time truly seeing it for what it is.

I am also reminded of how all these strands and multiple disciplines play out to offer a richness and depth that otherwise would not be. My coaching work infuses my design work, my mindset and creativity is a powerful driving force behind my approach to a plant-based diet. My love of food and recipe creation offers a an incredible dimension to my retreats and workshops.

It’s not always about homing in on and being a master of the ‘one thing’…

It’s also about recognising and bringing to life the interplay between the various strands and the strengths they offer each other… as well as acknowledging that just because I have multiple passions and I spread my focus across them all, it DOES NOT mean that I dilute my talents or my skills. If anything, I have now come to realise that the opposite can indeed be true.

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I was speaking with my coach at the time, and just before this realisation hit me and in order to try and prove my point I gave this analogy;

"It's like the example of an olympic athlete, they are world champions in their specific discipline, channeling their skills and practice solely on that narrow focus to be the best in the world".

There was a short pause and then she said to me;

"So, what about the heptathletes?"

So today, for the first time I call bullshit on my lifelong story of never being more than 'good'.

I am embracing my inner heptathlete. 

Now… it’s your turn. Do you have multiple passions and strands to your business or even your hobbies and if so are you holding yourself back? Is it time for you to embrace you inner heptathlete and allow yourself to shift from ‘good’ to ‘great’?


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30 things I love about being alone...

Yesterday I was having a bad day.

It was just one of those days when everything got on top of me for various reasons and I felt out of my depth and overwhelmed.

I shared a post in a private Facebook group run by my friend and fellow coach Julie New, most of which I have decided to now share below because I know I am not alone in feeling this way. I also know that when we share openly from the heart we invite others into that space to share their world.


“This feels vulnerable and even stupid to admit because I'm 35, I'm a nice person, I do have friends and I'm in the 'prime' of my life (whatever that is anyway!) but somehow I've ended up feeling lonely.

So incredibly fucking lonely.

I think I have been for some long time but it had been masked until very recently so I was unaware of it's extent. Now reality has kicked in and I need to take the reins and do something about it. I guess that's why I am sharing this openly, because i'm not going to be the victim of my own life!

Five days ago I took on an 8-month housesit at my friends parents place whilst they are off travelling. It is the first time I have ever lived on my own- previously I have lived with housemates at uni, or with partners or parents. I have always had some form of 'company' or some level of 'background noise'.

Reality kicked in really quickly.

I work for myself and can often spend days mostly on my own. I'm not in a relationship. I have wonderful friends but this is not about a lack of people I can call upon. Sometimes a sense of isolation hits out of the blue.

I am an introvert. I hate small talk.

I crave deep conversations and a meaningful hug.

I don't want to be fixed (I am not broken), but sometimes I just want to be heard.

Sometimes (like today) the only people time I have is going to a class at the gym. It feels so good when I am there to adsorb the energy of group of other people. But in reality I might only share a 'hi' and a smile with the ladies next to me, then a 'thanks' to the instructor as I leave.

I do enjoy my own company. It fills me up and fuels my creativity BUT I have too much of it at the moment.

I also realise that I have been spending a lot of time working on my own personal projects, working behind a computer screen - writing my book and re-launching my website - I notice those activities in themselves lack an immediacy of connection and contribution, so they perpetuate the isolation. Small yet very significant things for me to notice.

I feel vulnerable in admitting this because as someone who considers themselves pretty self-aware, a coach for goodness sake... how did I not see this coming? How can I possibly be lonely, it seems almost selfish in this world full of opportunity to even admit it out loud.”


Of the back of this post there were such wonderful words and many ‘me toos’ shared on the thread in the group. In articulating my emotions into words, I gave myself the pace to realise where in my life I had been lacking and not that I had an issue with ‘being alone’ but instead it was an issue with not connecting and contributing enough to people and causes beyond myself. This gave me a fresh perspective and a choice to make some changes.

I am also still fairly fresh out of a relationship that ended late last year. I found it very tough emotionally and in the soft quiet moments of the day, or the last thing at night, I sometimes do still struggle.

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So I decided to write a list.

As it happens a list of 30 things I love about being alone. Because to be quite honest, I do really enjoy my own company and here’s some of the reasons why…

  1. I can spread out diagonally across the double bed.

  2. I don’t have to work around anyone else’s routines.

  3. I can travel and go on trips spontaneously without warning.

  4. I can go to bed and get up whenever I want without the worry of waking anybody up or being woken up.

  5. I can’t sleep at night I can just put the light on and read a book.

  6. I can make my own decisions without having to run them past anyone else first.

  7. If I want to eat chocolate for breakfast there is no one to judge me.

  8. I can spend time with whoever I want to spend time with without feeling I should be somewhere else.

  9. No obligations to go to social gatherings I don’t want to go to.

  10. Fewer obligations altogether.

  11. Family dynamics are much more straightforward.

  12. The food shop lasts longer.

  13. Less laundry to do.

  14. If the toilet doesn’t flush ‘it’ away properly, I don’t need to hang around waiting for the tank to fill so I can flush it again.

  15. No misunderstandings about whether it is my turn to do something or not. 

  16. No one will ‘accidentally’ eat the special treat I bought to enjoy after dinner.

  17. I can enjoy the silence.

  18. I can be as creative as I want to be without holding back… even if at times it may appear as though I’m possessed by the devil when an idea first lands in my head.

  19. I can play the same song on repeat for two hours and no one will complain.

  20. I can eat meals at random times without needing to coordinate with anyone else.

  21. The only mess I need to clear up after is my own.

  22. There is no ironing that needs to be done, and no expectation to do it.

  23. The toilet seat will never be left up.

  24. There is no great debate about whether the ketchup goes in the fridge or the cupboard.

  25. I don’t have to pretend to enjoy TV or watch Netflix, in fact the TV never gets switched on.

  26. I can stay out as late as I want without having to check in with anyone.

  27. I can go to the gym in the evening without feeling like I should be spending it with someone else.

  28. If I’m in the middle of a big creative crafting session, I don’t need to clear it all away when I finish, I can just leave everything right where it is to come back to another time.

  29. I can leave a pile of washing up in the sink until the next morning and no one will care. Ditto with a full dishwasher.

  30. I can have a long leisurely bath without anyone knocking on the door needing to use or get something out of the bathroom when i’ve only just got in.


What about you, have you ever struggled with feelings of loneliness?

Can you feel the difference between 'loneliness’ and ‘being alone’ - for me one is taking ownership (being alone) and one is playing the victim (feeling lonely). I always have the choice to change my mindset from playing the victim to taking ownership on my situation, remembering that is empowering.

I also find that sharing our thoughts out loud i a safe space, not matter how silly or unfounded they may feel really helps with shifting perspective. This is exactly why I created the I AM group. You are invited to join me there.

A good place to start is appreciation. I love to hear from you… what do you love most about being being alone?


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10 reasons I'm NOT the coach for you...

When I first mention I'm a coach, it's understandable that people then ask me what kind of coach I am. For a long time I shied away from this question (l talk more about that here) as my 'title' seemed to change every other week!

But the beauty in this question is it gives me an opportunity to connect at a deeper level, to share what coaching means to me, what kind of coach I am and how I can support you on your journey.

It gives me an opportunity to lay down some clear foundations, because I hold my hands up... I'm not the right coach for everyone.

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10 reasons I'm NOT the coach for you...

  1. I'm not going to tell you what to do, I'm not going to advise you on the best course of action. However I may share my experiences with you and my observations on what you say which could translate into actions should you choose to take them. But I'm never going to tell you what to do.

  2. I have duvet days. I have days where I feel overwhelmed, anxious and not good enough. I also have epic days when I feel like I could literally take on anything that is thrown at me. I'll always show up for you 100% as the professional that I am, but I am not going to hide my 'human-ness' from you either.

  3. There is no quick fix with how I work with my clients. No structured SMART goal system to work to. We are in it for the long haul. I coach what shows up in the moment. We go deep, we strip back the layers, we get super vulnerable, there will probably be some tears (sometimes they could even be mine!) Working with me involves embracing the messy in order to get to the magical. If you're not down with 'messy', then I'm probably not the coach for you.

  4. I'll call you out and keep you accountable with your actions. I know excuses when I hear them and I'll pull you up on them. I am not here to be your friend. I will absolutely stand in your greatness and hold space for you potential in moments when you doubt yourself but I will not believe in your dream more than you do.

  5. I often talk about spiritual stuff. Not light and fluffy, not rainbows and sparkles but yes there will be spiritual vibes in the language, tools and techniques I bring to the table. If that's not your bag then I am probably not the coach for you.

  6. At some point I will probably disappoint you. You will probably disappoint me too. Let’s put that right there on the table. It is impossible to control others expectations of us regardless of how pure the intention is. The beauty is in the conversation in acknowledging this, in what comes next. We won't ignore the elephant in the room.

  7. I am a passionate creative and I infuse this into all areas of my life. We live in a multi-sensory world and I bring this powerful dynamic into all of my work. This may mean getting your hands dirty, it may mean getting out in nature, it may mean movement or yoga, or journalling or drawing or being a bit silly. This is not just ‘talking therapy’, this is a space where we will engage the body and mind at a multi-sensory level.

  8. I don't generally wear smart suits or blouses, I rarely wear make up and that's unlikely to change. Most of the time I'm rocking leggings and a sports bra. I'll do me and you do you. Embrace it.

  9. Most of the time I work with clients via audio not video call. I can listen more deeply this way. I can think more clearly this way. I can move my body if I need to. I can be outside in nature if that feels right for me in that moment. I encourage you to explore the same. If you prefer to always speak face to face, then I’m probably not the coach for you.

  10. At some point I will probably try to feed you! I'm a passionate plant-based foodie and it's been a huge part of my own evolution and my no.1 10/10 kinda client would be someone who aligns with these values or is as least curious to explore plant-based nutrition and how this can support the connection with a deeper sense of self. But hey, it's by no means a deal breaker... as long as you enjoy my homemade 'bliss balls' ;-)

I'm not the right coach for everyone.

We might just not be a fit and that's ok. That's actually more than ok, because the beauty is that when we give up on pleasing everyone, we give ourselves permission to find those folks who really make us come alive and who just ‘get' us.

… and that's the magic of a powerful coaching relationship.

If you are still curious and want to have a conversation… hit the button below.

I look forward to connecting you!


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20 lessons I learned in 2018 (and what this means for 2019)

As a follow on from my End Of Year Review and as part of my overall end of year reflections I began concocting a ‘lessons I learned’ post after feeling inspired by reading similar posts by others. It ended up as a list of 20 which felt like the right place to stop.

I love the simple clarity of some of these lessons contrasted with the depth and complexity of others - a complexity that goes so much deeper than the words on the page.

Many of these lessons I am already well on the road to putting into action, others will take a little longer as the acknowledgement and the implications land within my soul.

This list is not conclusive but all felt significant for me and I feel offers something of a beautiful indicator as to where my life has journeyed over the last 12 months and areas of focus and intention for the next 12 ongoing.

I’d love to hear from you… what are your top lessons of 2018 …and where are you headed for 2019?

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20 lessons I learned in 2018

  1. ‘Home’ is an internal place not an external one.

  2. The importance of creating clear boundaries and expectations in relationships -both personal and business.

  3. Love will find me when I’m ready and willing to ask for it and let it in.

  4. Travel does not have to be expensive, complicated or a luxury.

  5. I have a desire to live a location independent lifestyle.

  6. I do want kids after all (this one is huge for me)

  7. How much of my precious energy I drain through investing too much in people or situations that aren't in alignment with me.

  8. Difficult conversations will never get easier if expectations and boundaries are not first created, and even then they still require courage to be had.

  9. Stories are powerful - both in terms of how we connect as humans and the (often negative) stories we tell ourselves- rewrite that script!

  10. A calling to take the next step on my writing journey and publish a book.

  11. I can choose to be the 'victim' or the 'owner' of literally any situation I find myself in.

  12. Having continuously rebelled against the idea of ‘structure’ and ‘planning’ since having the freedom of working for myself, I realise I absolutely need them in order to succeed. (note: I ordered a planner for next year and I will commit to using it!)

  13. I currently hold a very negative ‘money story’ which is holding me back from financial abundance (massive reality check!)

  14. What I perceive and beat myself up as being as my big old shame stories no one else even notices or cares about, they’ve got their own stuff to deal with.

  15. Making 'bliss balls' are my no. 1 procrastination distraction tactic!

  16. It's totally ok to be picky, and actually the more specific you are about your desires the more you give ‘the universe’ to work with to co-create with you.

  17. If I'm not mindful, my default mode is to fall into being a 'rescuer' and that does not serve either me or them.

  18. My new favourite green smoothie recipe is: 1 banana, 2 packed cups of spinach and the juice of 1 lime (try it!)

  19. To get to experience the amazingness of life we also have to be willing to embrace the messy bits. We cannot ‘numb’ selectively and there is beauty in the pain.

  20. The pleasure gained from sipping tea from a very big mug cannot be underestimated!

So what does this look like for the months ahead?

Intuitively, I’m feeling that 2019 looks set to embody a more transient lifestyle, an exploration of love (of myself and others), of creating a ‘structure’ that works for me and consciously creating expectations and agreements.

I am curious to see how this sense of awareness evolves!


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The dreaded question... ‘So what do you do?’

For so many years I struggled with the abundance of ideas and options that flooded my mind...

Which ones should I follow? 

If I honour one does it meaning dropping the others? 

How will I tell people about what I do?

Ahhh, now I need another business card...

Which email address should I send this from?

I’m confused about who I am so I’m pretty sure other people are...

It resulted in confusion and overwhelm and feeling like I was scattering my focus so thinly and not really achieving anything at all. My confidence suffered and I cringed when asked the dreaded question: ‘So what do you do?’

Very recently all that changed when the missing piece of the puzzle fell into place.

An awareness and simplicity came into view and joined up all the dots that had been there all along. The common thread that tied everything together.

I am a coach

I am a writer

I am a designer

I am a firewalking instructor

I own a health food business

BUT above all of this...

“I help connect people to the best version of themselves”

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If you are a multi-passionate person feeling stuck and scattered by ideas and options you want to pursue. You don’t need to ‘pick one’ and drop everything else to achieve success.

Rise up and look at the bigger picture. Join the dots that have been there all along.... what is your core desire that connects the seemingly unconnected?

Focus on that place, serve from that place.

It’s your gateway for your clients to connect with ALL that you are, so that they can become ALL they they can be.


I call this the ‘The golden thread’

A fundamental core belief or set of values, that weaves through the essence of our lives and makes life most meaningful for us. 

It could also be called our mission statement. 

To articulate it in words gives it greater clarity and power. It brings the mission to life, beyond a ‘feeling in our heart’. It allows others to connect to that feeling too. It allows us to feel most connected to our purpose. 

Connection is key. If we can’t articulate it, we don’t have a voice. If we are not able able to put words to those feelings keeps us small, holds us back. We lack direction in life without that clarity.

This Thursday 4th October @ 8pm UK…

I am hosting a FREE WEBINAR to dive deeper into the ‘Golden Thread’, to rid the anxiety and overwhelm around the dreaded question… ‘so, what do you do?’

I would absolutely love you to join me there!

This is for you if you are struggling as a wellness solopreneur with multiple passions. Join me on October 4th @ 8pm UK time, where you will…

>>> Understand why you don’t need to ‘pick one thing’ and drop everything else you are passionate about to achieve success.

>>> Discover how knowing your deepest core values can play the biggest role in connecting with clients.

>>> Learn how to make yourself visible within the 'noise' of the wellness industry AND do it in a way that feels really authentic.

I'll be guiding you through a journey of discovery with a complimentary workbook, so you can shake things up and get started immediately!

P.s For more information on my deep dive ‘visibility package’ for wellness business owners kicking off in a couple of week time >>> CLICK HERE

webinar 04SEPT promo grey border.jpg

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Self growth : Why we need to get ready for the meltdown!

If you have kids, or young family members, you may well be aware of the ‘caterpillar kits’ that have been doing the rounds during summer time year over the last few years.

A few weeks ago, at my mum’s house, I found myself sat in front of a tiny tub containing baby caterpillars, no more than a few millimetres in size, wriggling around eating so much food as they prepared for their transformation.

As I sat there it occurred to me the incredible magic that is involved, the mind-blowing transformation that takes place in order for them to become a beautiful butterfly.

self growth personal development includingcake

There are so many 'inspirational' quotes bounced around on the internet about this transformation, but to be honest, they had always just seemed like words to me: 

"What if the change you're avoiding is the one that gives you wings?"

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly"

"Your time as a caterpillar has expired, your wings are ready"

I'd never really thought about it to the extent I did as I sat there that morning, staring through the sides of the little plastic tub.

What made me laugh as I thought about it some more, is that when the caterpillar wraps itself up in it's chrysalis, attaches itself to a solid surface and hangs there for a couple of weeks before emerging as a butterfly... what is actually happening on the inside!

It practically liquefies, by releasing enzymes to digest its own body. The caterpillars 'dissolve' before rebuilding themselves into a beautiful butterfly!

It felt like a powerful metaphor to me; that in order to undergo this incredible transformation, first we have to have a 'meltdown'.

How true is this in life, when we are going through our own transformation. When doing the work on the inside first, it is almost inevitable that we are going to have a meltdown somewhere along that process.

In that moment I realised it's about embracing this process because that is where the biggest gifts lie. It's the shift that happens during the meltdown where we become stronger and more beautiful as a result.

It's the allowing of that that state of letting go of who we once were, even it might feel like the worst thing in the world at the time, but is actually necessary in order for us to become the person that we have the potential to be.

What's more important as I thought about it again a few days later, as I looked across at these now tiny rugged suspended chrysalis forms, is that there is this outer protection against the world.

The chrysalis shell is the only thing that allows the caterpillar to do the ‘inner work’; the only thing that allows the transformation to take place.  There is no way they could have their 'meltdown' without that protective barrier in place.

I think we all need to create a ‘chrysalis’ in our own lives.

If we are to accept that at some point along the process of our personal growth we are going to have a meltdown, then we need to be better preparing ourselves for that protective container. Having the people, the resources and the tools in place that allow us to fully embrace that.

It's not pretty, it's actually pretty messy in there. But if we haven't got the resources in places to best manage that state whilst we are in it, we are likely to struggle.

Ultimately, I think there are two key learning points to this caterpillar-butterfly process, way beyond the fluffy inspirational quotes...

One is in accepting that it is likely we are going to have a 'meltdown' as we do the inner work to become our biggest, brightest, best self. In order to truly fly in this world we are going to first have a meltdown.

Secondly, in knowing this, it is about putting the people and the resources in place to support that transition and help it run it’s course as smoothly as possible.

It's not going to be pretty, but with awareness and support we can make it through the process and out the other side to emerge in full glory.

So, let’s get ready for the meltdown!


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'The Dance Of My Life {re-writing my story}

I spent a wonderful weekend at RAW FEST 2018 during which I gave two talks - one on the connection between a plant-based diet and out innate creativity (a topic I am so passionate about and is the focus on my forthcoming book) and secondly on 'sugar-free satisfaction' which is actually where this blog started off back in 2011!

It was a wonderful uplifting festival filled with woodland walks, vegan food, yoga, meditation, inspiring talks, sound baths, spiritual music, campfires and chanting... made all the more special as I was able to share the experience with my boyfriend.

On the last day it rained all day and I made a very fetching 'bin bag ball gown' to keep myself dry which worked a treat ;-)

bin bag.jpg

For me one of the main highlights and moments of growth, was the creative writing workshop with HART FLOE POET set in a circle on the woodland floor.

In the lead up to this piece, Hart Floe asked us to visualise our perfect life, thinking ahead to a time when we had achieved what we had set out to – what would that life look like? What would we be thinking, feeling, touching, tasting, hearing... Initially, as I began to write tears welled up in my eyes.

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I could only picture myself alone, that has always been the way in these kinds of exercises when I visualise my future.

But I don’t want to be alone, and it overwhelmed me in that moment. I put my pen down and closed my eyes with the intention to quietly meditate on my breathe for the next few minutes until the exercise was over.

My boyfriend sitting by myself side noticed my tears. I felt silly in admitting to him the truth but he reminded me this was my chance to rewrite that story. I knew he was right. Hesitantly, I picked up my pen and with just a minute or so left of the exercise this is what poured onto the page. It felt so good.

I wonder, where in your life might you benefit from rewriting the story that plays out time and time again in your mind?


The Dance Of My Life...

There is a warmth in my heart and a flame in my soul. 

The stories and photos of those that I've helped lay bound in books by my bedside. 

Precious. 

Laughter fills the hallway and I smile, imagining the antics happening as I prepare lunch to share on brightly coloured plates. 

The large doors open onto the veranda and the breeze ruffles my hair. 
I look to the horizon, the azure sky and valleys beyond. 

Filling my lungs with the still quiet moments before the chaos ensues. 
Beautiful chaos, love and laughter. 

The stillness and the chaos create a beautiful symphony. 

The dance of my life.

...the orginial writing

...the orginial writing


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How you do one thing is how you do everything...

A week or two ago a created a unique new package... something I didn't initially talk about on here directly because it relates heavily to my design work, but actually now as I reflect upon it more I realise how much it has to do with my coaching work - it's all about connection!

The new package I have just launched is 'The Visibility Package' 

(as showcased on my design website)

In my work as a health and mindset coach, I meet so many inspiring 'wellness-focused' people who have an incredible passion and a powerful mission that I know could help so many... yet their voice and online presence is struggling to be seen and heard above the noise.  Finding ways of powerfully sharing their message, the feels in alignment with who they are, is crucial! (I know from experience!)

the visibility package coaching design blogging

I was talking to a friend about the package yesterday, getting quite animated and excited as I talked, when from out of nowhere these words came out of my mouth...

"you have to connect with yourself to be able to connect with your client" *

...and there lies the truth, the fundamental principle that I am so passionate about as a coach.

In the wellness industry (or really just as regular people on our own personal journey) there is so much competition. But what really, truly, deeply sets you apart on your journey is your ability to rise above the noise and above the superficial to reach out and really connect with your people, your community, your tribe, your clients (*insert most relevant word for you there) BUT in order to do this, you first need to connect with yourself!

A massive part of The Visibility Package AND as I have begun to realise, my coaching work as a whole, is about digger deeper into your own story - you passion and drive but also the messiness and the struggles too. Really owning that.

Yes I know that might sound deep, and you might be thinking...   "but I just have a regular life, nothing special" ...well, actually no you don't.

I have often heard it said that...

"how you do one thing is how you do everything"

...and there's is your second truthbomb. Having an awareness of your actions, walking your talk and really owning and believing your message to the world speaks volumes. Your people will hear it and feel it. I promise.

So at it's core this is what my work as a coach is about, connecting to your deepest sense of self. I am reading a great book at the moment called 'The Highest Goal' by Michael Ray, and it's very similar to what he talks about.

I was going to leave this post here... with two 'truthbombs' for you to sit with and process, but then I figured i'd add the final section that was part of the note I sent out to my mailing list last night...

So now in the spirit of playfulness and curiosity, I have a game for you. Pick ONE of these three options below:

1) You're NOT interested in The Visibility Package but would love to have a conversation about what a deeper connection with yourself would mean for your life... hit reply and let me know where you are at!

2) You ARE interested in learning more about the package (there are two spots already confirmed, and more conversations booked for next week)...
hit reply and let me know asap why you are interested and we'll arrange a time to call/Skype. 

3) You're kind of skimming this post, not really interested in any of it, but these bullet points caught your eye ;-) Then do me (and you) a favour and take a few moments this weekend to have a think about how you are showing up in your world right now, are there some tweaks you could make to bring yourself more into alignment?

So which will it be for you? ;-)

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The journey of Wholeplus... (a birthday reflection)

Facebook reminded me of this picture this morning.

This still gives me tingles every time I see it... I can't believe this is five years ago already.

As I reflect this morning I realise how the journey of Wholeplus is such a powerful reflection of my own personal evolution. So I decided to write it down.

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It all began as a tiny spark of an idea off the back of a challenge from a trainer at the gym I go to. I was complaining about the junk filled protein bars that so many people eat after a gym work out intended to better their health. It makes me sad. "Oh right, you try and make something better then" he said, ..."Ok, I will", I responded and I remember feeling surprised by the sense of my inner commitment so deep I knew I would follow through.

And just like that Wholeplus was born.

From the naivety of my curious mind, I had absolutely no idea what lay in store.

I began designing everything from scratch. The branding, the website, the promotional materials, the packaging, the social media growth, the recipes developments ... all my own creation and hours of time experimenting, learning and implementing the technicalities.

It has all evolved so much since.

I originally began with four product lines in three flavours each- the first one being a vegan protein-based product and the second product being tiny cubes (bliss ball style). I spent hours and hours pressing mixture into metal trays and cutting up literally thousands of small cubes with a huge double ended knife. (sore hands!)

November 2013

November 2013

First packaging of the protein product. May 2013

First packaging of the protein product. May 2013

First branding (cringe!!)

First branding (cringe!!)

Over the following 18 months I refined my processes and whittled it down to two products lines in a wider range of flavours - the Hotpots and the Toppers. The Hotpots (instant porridge sachets) were the last to be let go at the end of 2016 due to practicalities of production. They were popular and I still hope to bring them back one day when the time is right.

I forged ahead with the Toppers. The creative sweet sprinkle topping.

From 2014-16 I had loads of orders coming through. It was the time when the subscription box model was newborn and the more I was featured, the more other companies found me and wanted to feature me too.

Then, I got a big Wholesale white label order which brought in a consistent income every other month. This was followed by my biggest order to date. 3000 tubs of Toppers shipped to Germany on a pallet. I had no idea what I was doing, seriously winging it and saying yes to life. In the lead up to that delivery, the entire house was taken up with boxes of product lining the hallway almost floor to ceiling. I employed my dad to help me.

Life was in flow...

Then in late 2016 things slowed dramatically, the subscription box model changed and they no longer paid brands for their product but instead pitched it as a 'free marketing opportunity'. That was a massive game changer for me as there was no way it was viable anymore and it was no longer an income source.

Until that point I had done no real networking or marketing off my own back- everyone had come and found me and I was just riding that wave and creating, creating, creating... I didn't know how to do it on my own!

I paid hundreds of pounds for consultations with the best in the food industry. Getting advice from as many sources as I could find, trying my best to network even though I hate small talk and 'businessy' environment. I felt increasingly overwhelmed as it was all so far out of my comfort zone and relied heavily on investment. I had already spent most of my own savings paying thousands of pounds in buying the food processing equipment I needed to get up and running.

In early 2017 I took some time out to reflect.

What did I want from the business? How did I want it to grow? What did it mean to me? How did I want to be involved in it over the long term?

I knew I was passionate about health, about personal empowerment, about inspiring creativity in others... but how could I channel this into a food product?

I came up with a subscription box model of my own. A monthly delivery box that would feature recipe cards, motivational quotes and build a sense of community over time. The concept was beautiful and I put hours into designing the product and testing the process with customers.

Subscriprion box concept

Subscriprion box concept

But the promotion was hard and laborious. The physical production was now also taking its toll after years all on my own. It drained me and things slowed to a halt before it ever really got started.

For a few months I put it all on the back burner, needing a total break. Then out of the blue an acquaintance asked if I'd be willing to sell the business... my reaction suprised me. 'No, it's my baby, it's my passion, how could I ever sell it!'

That realisation kicked me back into action.

I had no idea how I was going to do it, but somehow I would. But I knew it woudn't be on my own. The Wholeplus philosophy is so much greater than me, it's message needs to be shared with the world, but I cannot do that alone. I needed focus on my skillsets and bring on others to fill in the gaps.

So it re-awakened.

But then there was the packaging dilemma. I was using plastic tubs that I had been unhappy about for a long time. I now had so many boxes of packaging options i'd tried, it was taking over half a room in space. I had been designing and printing all my labels at home on my trusty inkjet to save massive costs and minimum order quantities, but that just wasn't good enough for me any more if I wanted to take this bigger and better...

In January this year I opened up a blank Word document and on it I wrote up a list of 'titles' of people I wanted on board, with me as 'Creative Director'. I kept this in the back of mind in every conversation I had, knowing when the opportunity showed up I would just know.

It happened.

Just yesterday I had a long meeting with the owner of a gym and food business. Someone I have come to know well, someone who complements my skill sets, someone who has the resources for production and investment already set up, and most importantly someone who shares my philosophies.

He proposed moving forward as joint venture, to scale and take things as big as they deserve to be. The idea immediately energised me and I felt a rush of relief, "I'm not alone in this anymore".

We have another meeting to talk details next week. 

On the eve of my 35th birthday, the next chapter in the Wholeplus journey is taking shape.

There are so many times I almost quit. There are times when thing slowed to a bare crawl and it would have been easier to have packed it all up and filed it under a 'learning experience' and channeled my energy elsewhere.

But something still tells me to keep going. Something deep down tells me this will be worth it. Something tells me this has been evolving with me in the just the way it needed to, waiting for it's moment, waiting until the world is ready, waiting until I am ready.

Now I am ready.

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What could you commit to create for 100 days?

I realised recently that I am a bit of a 'commitment-phobe'. Interestingly this didn't used to be the case, but over the last few years as I have been deigning life on my own terms and turning away from comformity and expectation, commitment has subtly become more of a struggle. 

My guess is that in desiring the 'freedom' to create whatever I want in this life, I end up sabotaging my own planning, structure and goals in the process. This is an interesting yet annoying observation for me (but with awareness comes the power to change!), and I can see that it really does not serve me in growing my business.

So that needs to change, and what better way that with a game or challenge, something that has a finite end point (less overwhelming than the idea of infinity!)

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What could you commit to create for 100 days?

For the last couple of years I have watched #the100dayproject from the sidelines... overthinking and procrastinating on what I might do for 100 days. I never took the leap and actually took part.

Fear of commitment? Of failure? Of changing my mind half way through? Of not-good-enoughness... probably all of the above and more (see above!!)

That noise is still there BUT that’s all it is- just noise, the inner voice of fear, the head not the heart.

The way forward is strength of curiosity to simply begin, to celebrate the process, to embrace imperfection along the way, one day at a time...

I signed up to their newsletter and have been receiving updates over the last few weeks, and today as I lie here in the early hours in my hotel room in Vietnam mid way through my trip in a foreign land... I committed. Just like that!

What will I commit to do for 100 days?

I’m going to write an article every day for 100 days! The biggest thing for me will be giving myself permission for it not to be perfect, some articles may well be downright rubbish, or very short... some will never get used, but that doesn’t matter, I just have to consciously write words into the words every day.

So many of my goals this year are centred around writing- a book, articles for a number of magazines I am passionate about, my newsletter and regular blogging.

Thinking, researching and sporadically writing ‘when I feel like it’ is not the answer. It’s time to do the work consistently and find flow.

Who else is intrigued to take part in #the100dayproject? The perfect way to kick off the second quarter of the year!

Please reach out and let me know, I'd love to support you as we embark on this journey together.

Check out the website below for more info, and find all the interviews and inspiration shared so far. Also follow @elleluna and @lindsayjeantomson on Instagram- the founders of this wonderful movement.

WHEN?
Here's the kicker- 'tehnically' the challenge is already a few days in (started April 3rd), but because I was away in Vietnam and have only just been able to get back into my work mode, I'll be kicking off properly tomorrow (Monday 9th). Yes, it might not be ideal, it might not be perfect... BUT it doesn't matter. ;-)

FULL DETAILS HERE: >>> www.the100dayproject.org/ (p.s I am in no way affiliated with this movement, I just love their philosophy)

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Does a plant-based diet increase creativity?

I've been a contributor to The Hectic Vegan Magazine ever since it's launch a year (or two?) ago. There is another issue due out early Spring and I realised I hadn't yet filled you in on the December release!

As per the previous issues, I had a number of recipes featured - these ones were mostly pumpkin focussed ;-)  There was also a special 50% discount on my Not Just For Goldilocks  porridge recipe book!

You can download your digital copy of the magazine (and previous issues) for FREE here! 

But... I am also excited to share another feature that I am so passionate about, that is exploring the link between creativity and a plant-based diet.

It's an absolutely fascinating topic that I am currently delving into more deeply (with a book in mind), a connection that I have experienced deeply in my own life.  This blog was also triggered by a post that caught my eye on the Veganuary Instagram page...

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I have often talked about my philosophy that a plant-based diet goes way beyond the food itself. Once we begin to question one aspect of our lives, our minds open up to explore so much more in terms of how we relate to the world around us.

@@>>>Once we think outside the box, once we shift our perspective, life literally becomes limitless!@@ 

Here is that article, you can click to zoom in (or download the magazine to read it properly!), I love how the designers have illustrated the quotes I gathered from some Facebook research in little speech bubbles (I am a sucker for quirky details!) ;-)

I also see a huge link between the concepts of 'creativity' and 'spirituality' in terms of our connection with our innate sense of self and the bigger picture beyond.. maybe that's a topic for another post, ha ha)

Feel free to chime in with your experiences too - have you noticed an increase in your creativity or spirituality since going plant-based?

I am very keen to hear from those that feel strongly about the subject... and you may well feature in my new book, planning is currently underway and I am aiming to publish it before the summer! Please drop me a note if you'd like to share your thoughts and would be open to having a chat!


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Planning to create a Vision Board?... try this even BETTER alternative!

It's New Year and I am having a day setting goals, creating my new bullet journal and getting myself fully in the mindset to make 2018 a year that matters!

This morning I was sitting on my bed brainstorming when my eyes caught sight of my 'vision strip' by my bedside. I created this last January and it has been growing and evolving with me ever since. I absolutely love it as an inspiration for my goals and dreams and also as an artwork in its own right!

I suddenly had the spontaneous urge to share it as a mini 'how to' with you today! Perfect for New Years dreaming, but of course any time of year.

This is a photo of my bedroom taken with my iPhone on a really dull day, so the photo quality is not great... please no judging! ;-)

This is a photo of my bedroom taken with my iPhone on a really dull day, so the photo quality is not great... please no judging! ;-)

Ok, so I know it's my personal opinion, but I really do believe this idea IS better than a traditional 'board' and this is why... 

  • Takes up less space- a vertical wall hanging is more space effective on most walls around the home/office than a vision board of traditional proportions. (This was a winner for me in the space I had available)
  • Made from part of a simple roll of plain or patterned wallpaper border (can be FREE if you take advantage of the sample offers in DIY stores (a bit cheeky!) or if you use an offcut you may already have stored away from your decorating adventures!)
  • Paperclips to fasten mean that nothing is permanent and the vision board of inspiration can adapt and evolve as your dreams do through the months and years.
  • You can begin with a little and add as you go, if you use a patterned border (as I have) it still looks great on the wall even if it is not yet very full of inspiration!
  • One simple hanging point- no more curled or dog-eared edges, sticky marks on the walls, awkward fixings, trying to make sure it hangs straight etc.
  • You can choose to arrange ideas/inspirations chronologically going upwards or downwards if you wish.

Convinced? ;-)

Here's how to easily make your own vision strip...

  1. Get yourself a length of wide wallpaper border (approx 6" is ideal), between 2.5-3 meters in length, making sure it is not the sort that has a sticky back.

  2. Decide how long you want it to hang down and then roll the excess into a roll at the top (it will naturally do that anyway), you want to make sure you have a few rolls to that it is sturdy.

  3. Thread a length of yarn (use approx. 1 metre length) through the rolled up section a couple of times which keeps it tightly together, then bring both ends up to the top and tie in a knot at the centre a few inches above (see middle right-hand photo above).

  4. Pin/fasten the knot firmly to the wall or ceiling as appropriate- I used a simple drawing pin into the wall as the ceiling did not hold it so well (gravity and flaky ceiling finish!)

  5. Carefully adjust the hanging length as desired (mine hangs down approx 1.6 meters) and fasten the bottom to the wall with a blob of sticky tack or similar

  6. Fill your Vision Strip with things that inspire your goals and dreams- I use paper clips to attach things but use what works for you.

  7. Keep a row of spare paper clips on the side ready to attach new inspirations. 

Wonderful optional extra...

I found a length of battery powered fairy light mini-lanterns in a pound shop that was the perfect length of my vision strip. This makes it comes alive with beautiful sparkly energy when I'm working or reading in my room at night!

I simply hide the battery pack in the centre of the excess roll at the top (see photo below- though I usually tuck the battery pack further in) and simply let the lights drape down the side!

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Have you ever made a vision board... or do you fancy giving this a go!

I'd love to see your creations, and if you have any 'vision boarding' tips to share please do so!

My biggest love in life is creativity and the space that awakens within us all when we allow ourselves to get in touch with our innate creative energy- we all have it! I encourage you to give this project as go and see how it make you feel!


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2017 close out: my biggest lesson (and my New Year intention!)

I hadn't planned to write a 'year in review' style post, as everyone else in the blogosphere had written them and to be honest I felt a bit overloaded with a case of comparisonitis creeping up on me in the lead up to Christmas.

But, now having had a few more days to sit and quietly reflect, a few truths made themselves know and it was a humbling process of self-acknowledgement that I wanted to share with you in the spirit of authenticity and as offering you a 'permission giving' of sorts. 

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It's 30th December and just over halfway through that 'odd' bit between Christmas and New Year when there is no sense of routine, time or direction. Time seems to stand still. Truth be told (apart from Christmas day) this is my absolute favourite time of year! The world slows down and time is suspended.

Space for reflection, creation, decluttering, reading and absolutely zero sense of expectation or obligation. Bliss!

So, it is pretty much inevitable that my minds bounced between looking back on the year whilst at the same time future focussing on the next.

There was one main truth that hit me. Quite hard at first, but then with a sense of gentle self-forgiveness and understanding. 

My biggest reaslisation this year...

I have been very lonely at times.

Gosh, it feels super vulnerable to admit that. I feel I need to back it up with an explanation, to justify it and make it seem less pathetic. 

The loneliness was a steady creep throughout the year hitting hardest this Autumn though I only realised it retrospectively! (often the way, right?)

When I reflected on how this came to be I realised there were two big contributing factors:

  1. At the end of 2016 I gave myself permission to step away from going to local networking groups and events that I felt I 'should' be doing as a business owner and instead focus on growing my business in other ways. I had noticed I was getting 'people-out' and drained from small talk (I've always hated small talk) so I just stopped going, BUT what I didn't realise was that, as a result, I was then spending a lot more time on my own in my own head where overthinking tends to happen!
  2. For four years I had been having weekly sessions with a Personal Trainer who was also one of my best friends. The sessions were at a regular time and outside. At the end of July he moved away and so suddenly I lost my time spent with a good friend, structured exercise, a weekly anchor point and time outside in nature come rain or shine... massively significant! (although I had not appreciated just how much until very recently)

What have a learned?

That small subtle consistent things can have a massive impact over time- both positive and negative.  

Just like structured consistent training with a PT can steadily increase your strength and fitness, the cumulative effect of not socialising on a structured consistent basis (which is basically what happened) can massively impact your emotional stability.

It was a massive eye-opener for me! The good news is, that now I have recognised what went wrong I can implement changes to address the balance for the coming year.

Instead of a New Year's resolution I set an 'intention' that I seek to grow into over the course of the year. This allows space for play and exploration and for messing up and learning in a way that a resolution doesn't (for me anyway!)

My intention is summarised in a word... a word for the year that has deep meaning for me and a need to explore more.

In 2016 it was 'experiences' (I travelled a lot and thoroughly lived out that intention)

In 2017 it was 'consistency', something I have struggled with. This does not come naturally at all for me- my ADHD brain sabotages feeling pigeonholed and so it is still a work in progress!

In 2018 my word for the year will be: 'Connection'.

Connection within myself and with others. I will seek to deepen the nature of my connections but also my boundaries in order to stay true and authentic to myself. 

I'm excited to explore where this may lead and what 'connection' might look like on my own terms!

There are plenty other things I could say about the year and about my goals for 2018 as I reflected on what had gone well and what not so well. But my most important lesson was our innate need for human connection that I had been depriving myself of without realising and so I won't dilute this significance with other side notes and thoughts.

It makes me smile as I have long been a fan of Brene Brown. I have all five of her books (having received the last two for Christmas) and a big part of her work is the role of connection. Therefore finding her quote “We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives and without it there is suffering” brought it all full circle for me, and I enter 2018 with a new level of clarity.

Now, I'd love to hear from you, what was your biggest lesson of 2017 and what is your goal or intention to take forward into 2018?  

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When 'taking action' weighs you down... shift your perspective

This afternoon I had a wonderful conversation with a lady who had been a client some years back. 

It had been a while since we’d spoken and much had shifted in both our lives. She opened up about feeling ‘stuck’ and almost ‘numb’, like a rabbit in headlights- not fearful but simply frozen and stuck. 

She didn’t understand why.

We dived in deeper and the notion of needing to ‘take action’ became apparent and this was aligned with a sense of needing to ‘do more’ that was likely creating the stuckness in the first place. 

The fascinated me.

I can relate to the idea of ‘taking action’ being a positive method of creating momentum and flow, YET for me this does not automatically align with ‘doing more’. On the flipside, that taking action can also involve consciously ‘letting go’.

I had a sudden sense that there was huge resistance anchoring her down and the vision of someone trying to drag a heavy weight came to my mind. 

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I shared a story from the times when I entered lots of muddy obstacle course races and often the trials would involve dragging something like massive heavy tractor tyres across bumpy ground, feet slipping in the mud finding it difficult to gain the traction and build momentum to move forward. 

But there is a beauty when we realise we can step back and approach things from another angle. We can create a powerful shift that requires less effort for a better result. 

If you try to move the heavy tyre by pulling on it with your arms alone, your feet slide out from under you and nothing moves. You just end up flat out on the floor, feeling exhausted, going nowhere. 

Yet if you change your direction by 180˚ and instead, from behind push the weight through your arms by using the force of your legs to drive the momentum, everything changes.

It's often the subtle shifts in orientation, mental awareness and strategy that can get us unstuck.

But, maybe there is also another approach...

When you stare down at the heavy weight you're connected to, ask yourself who put it there? 

Did you walk into the arena willingly and attach yourself to it knowingly, with a greater goal and clear sense of purpose, or was it quietly hooked on when you weren’t looking, without your permission or awareness.

Is it something that no longer serves you or maybe never even did?

In any given moment, instead of aimlessly dragging that heavy weight through the mud we can choose to reconnect with our goal, we can choose to ask for help, we can choose to share the load... or we can choose to let go entirely and conserve our energy to move on and embrace our next challenge.

What does 'taking action' mean for you, and are there places where you feel 'stuck' and might need to change your approach to?

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